POETRY: Tips for Dealing with Grief
Rabbit is an Australian journal that publishes nonfiction poetry, and their most recent issue #37 COLLABORATIONS is out in the world. It's full of juicy work, including a piece by myself and visual artist Donna Gordge. 'Tips for Dealing with Grief' is a tongue-in-cheek guide for how you might 'deal' with grief. Let me be clear: I don't believe that grief is something we deal with but rather something that we must go through.
Grief turns everything on its head; the reason and logic of language can fall short. This poem doesn't make logical sense because grief doesn't make sense. It has to be felt, not reasoned with, and we need to make adjustments to include loss & grief in our lives. Hence the repetition of the word 'adjust' in the poem.
I approached the making of this work by Googling 'tips for dealing with grief' and included some words from my searches. I also reference the ritual of tea making, punning on the phrase 'adjust to taste'. Reading Megan Devine's book It's OK That You're Not OK, I discovered that the stress of grief can show up as physical pain, which was certainly the case for me. Days after my mother died, while I was still in hotel quarantine, I
began to experience acute physical pain in my left shoulder. At its worst I struggled to sleep. I had to sit up in bed with a heat bag on the shoulder, getting up several times a night to reheat the bag. Lying down caused excruciating pain. I couldn't get a diagnosis. I was told that it wasn't 'frozen shoulder', which is common for women in mid-life, but neither could the GP or physio name what was happening. The shoulder is much better, though I still don't have full use of it (yet). I've noticed that when I do too much and/or stop checking in with myself and taking care of my emotional inner world, my shoulder becomes more painful as if it is now the barometer for measuring my grief. I reference that shoulder pain in the poem.
When I showed 'Tips for Dealing with Grief' to Donna she was inspired to made a teeny book, typing the words of the poem onto pages made of teabags (you can see them in the photograph). We included the book in our recent exhibition, SOLACE, as part of Adelaide Fringe. I also used a fountain pen to write the poem on rice paper, which was hung in the gallery. It was bought by someone who planned to hang it in their workplace to prompt discussion between work colleagues about grief and loss.
Both Donna and I are proud to be published in Rabbit. However, the text is a little difficult to make out in the journal so I'm sharing the poem here. Please consider buying a copy of the journal, it's just $20. You won't be disappointed. And it's FREE Shipping on all Australian Orders. Place your order HERE. And if you're interested in a hand-written copy of the poem (black in on rice paper, 30cm x 150cm) drop me a line: caroline-at-carolinereidwrites.com
In the meantime, here's 'Tips for Dealing with Grief'. Let me know what you think/feel:
Tips for Dealing with Grief
start with silent
accept spoon
adjust
switch shoulder
speak seat
adjust
accept pot
accept gulp plug
adjust
tinkle soft
adjust
it’s important to sip
to scald lip
it’s important to thing
adjust
dangle your cake spread
drink your best cup
adjust
bally ball
accent slip
adjustadjust
accept heavy sad
adjust
accept salt
accept steam
adjust
accept squeeze
adjust
draw sugar
embrace extra long
adjust
stew
adjust
sing
brew
tinker
break
adjust
accept less
accept enough
adjust
pour biscuit
eat saucer
adjustadjust
whisper wound
adjust
keep cautious cat
no easy way to drop
to do of you
adjust
accept slow
adjust
shift shoulder
adjust
accept muddy
accept may
adjustadjust
set no easy please
adjust
really really shout
adjust
stay lost
adjust
accept do of too
adjust
be extra
be not enough adjust
wait
adjustadjustadjust
adjust
adjust
adjustadjust
adjustadjust
just
just
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